The antlers-wearing paparazzi woman.
Whistler’s gone weird during the Olympics. Here are 10 weird-o things making our ski town spooky and strange…
1) There’s a blimp flying over Whistler Village. A plain-clothes blimp (no GOODYEAR sign on this one.) No one knows for sure what it’s doing there — it’s all major hush-hush and high security. I suspect it’s the IOC’s (or the CIA’s or the FBI’s) Big Brother eye-in-the-sky watching. Don’t pick your nose… or worse. The RCMP could be tromping up your doorstep.
2) Forget French. During the Olympics, German is Whistler’s second language. Hell, German is Whistler’s first language. St. Anton has amalgamated Whistler — which doesn’t work in the end, just ask Greater Torontonians. Who are you, and what have you done with our ski town?
3) There are no lift lines. No. Lift. Lines. Slip up the Glacier Express, slide down Spanky’s, whip up a little white froth on Jersey Cream, glide across the Peak2Peak for lunch at Pika’s… all in three minutes. (Ok, I’m exaggerating. Four minutes.)
4) There are a few too many folks carrying their skis over their shoulders with the tips pointing backwards. First, how do you do that? Second, please, please, please bribe your ski valet at the Four Seasons to carry them for you. You’ll save yourself some strife, you’ll save me some strife, and you’ll look like a rich guy instead of a geek doing it.
5) Whistler’s in-town bus service during the Games is seriously wonky. From the bus circle at Whistler you have to go to Nesters, White Gold, Function Junction, Whistler Creekside, and up the Benchlands… just to get to the base of Blackcomb. (Yes, you could walk faster, but see No.4 RE: strife caused by ski tips pointing backwards.)
6) Too many people are wearing red-and-white, alien-looking antlers on top of their heads. Folks, these types of headwear are embarrassing. You must be huge luge fans.
7) You must have a reservation… to do anything. Dinner at Sushi Village at 3 pm? Need a reservation. Lunch at Subway? Need a reservation. Gotta go pee? Need a reservation.
8) There is an exception to every rule, and I am now writing one for No.7 (see above.) I SAILED into Citta’s for a beer at 5pm while Bedoin Soundclash was on the outdoor stage at the Village plaza. I waltzed up the stairs, secured a table by the enormous front window and watched the concert warm and dry and with a beer on the table. This NEVER happens on an ordinary day in Whistler, even when a major rock band isn’t playing.
9) The sun is shining. Ok, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights leading up to the Olympics… so much so that ducks were using the luge run as a waterslide. But the sun is shining now. (Maybe it’s not real sunshine. Maybe the blimp is beaming a massive spotlight all day on Whistler.)
10) With The Barenaked Ladies, Michael Bublé and Rob Boyd in the crowd, Canadians in Whistler are getting a little high hoping to be caught by ‘The Paparazzi.’ When I asked one woman wearing those darn red-and-white, alien-looking antlers if I could take her picture, she looked at me deadpan and said: “Sure, I haven’t been paparazzied yet today.”
Like I said, who are you, and what have you done with our Whistler?
— Lori Knowles is covering Whistler and Vancouver from the streets for the Toronto Sun and Ski Press World.
